Johnny (FWB)- him and I have probably known eachother for about a year and been screwing around for around 10-11 months... i'm not all too sure though. I had really strong feelings for him that really tortured me through most of our fwb relationship... but I finally started to get over them. Anyways he's 20 and umm... I don't know what the word for it is... goofy? yeah, well that will do... he's a silly guy. But a GREAT friend, and I'd never want to give up my friendship with him. Even though we've been told we bicker like we are old and married. lol.
Alright now onto....
Logan (new guy)- Well I met logan last weekend on the internet (yeah yeah yeah shush just keep reading) the first day we talked we talked for 20 hours out of the whole 24 of that day. On the phone, online, texting when he was at work... it was crazy. We've talked everyday for at LEAST 4 hours since we started talking, well today he came over to hang out with me before he went to work. Him and I both agreed that we were into eachother before we met. Anyways, i'm kinda getting off track. He's 19, works 2 jobs, and is starting tech college in the fall. But he jsut got out of a 2 year relationship and also is expecting a daughter in 2 months. I for one have no problem with this... I love kids and wouldn't mind dating a guy with a kid. I've made sure that him and his ex arn't getting back together also, so dont' lay into me about that. They would be better parents apart and happy than together and misterable anyways. He doesn't want to get into a real relationship at this point in his life because he doesn't want someone to be dragged along during this really tough time with him (i'v argued him about this)
Now todays events-
I'll skip to when Logan came over since this is the start of todays real events. He came over and we hung out played with my dog...ect. He's EVERYTHING I could want... he's tall, ungodly sweet, and affectionate. Just grrr... Then before he leaves we hug... and then end up kissing after a few minutes of standing by the door looking at eachother, and poking eachother. And then he kissed me (he already told me that he wanted to the night before) and on my god, I had to hold onto him, and back into the wall... it was amazing, and i've NEVER had a kiss like that before. After I leaned my chin on his chest and said "grr" and "wow" looking up at him and him looking down at me...it was too good to be true... anyways after a few more kisses and me trying not to fall he left.
About 10 minutes later Johnny comes over and I'm still in my "wow" stage.. and he knew that Logan was coming over and everything he asked how it was and I just couldn't even express myself. He took that as my lying to him and he got in a pretty bad mood, anyways, we watch WWE Smackdown (because thats one of the things we do on thursday) and I ended up kissing him and getting him hard so I started to rub his dick and balls, then he completely backed off and said he had to go... so I was like "uhhh okay" even though I didn't exactly make it easy for him. So when he gets online when he gets home he says that him and I should just be friends and that it's better for the both of us. I don't see how he thinks he knows whats good for me, I like what I had with him and completely would like to keep doing it until I have a boyfriend, or he has a girlfriend. He explained that he knows that my feelings for him are fading and that I like Logan and he doesn't want me to ever be doing something with him and be thinking of Logan and that stuff, also that our fwb thing was preventing him from looking to get a gf and everything. So I agreed and that was it.
Now the part i'm confused about... i'm not sure if i'm ok with it or not. I have that evil fluttering empty feeling and all. But i know he's right and really hope I can be friend with him. and now also I want to be more than friends with Logan, at least i'm pretty sure I do, after a few more days with him i'm sure i'll know. Anyways, he doesn't want that or need that right now... and i'm just really afraid to like him more and that i'll get hurt. I know him and I are right for eachother right now though, he's what i'm looking for and i'm what he's looking for (or at least told me he is) I find him attractive and he finds me attractive. *sigh* I just don't get why he doesn't want to get involved with me.
Now, Questions comments please comment... I need help.. Am i just really screwed up or what? HELP!!